he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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