Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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