mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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