I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
