need another drink. this is the easiest way
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
