His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
