It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
