If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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