if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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