Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize