dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
