you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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