oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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