No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
