I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
