She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
