the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
