Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
