Im at strip club and am horny
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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