I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
