Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
