i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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