Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
