I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
