OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
