he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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