So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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