trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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