I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
