can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
