Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
