i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
