What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize