Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
