Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
