I've blown a few things in my day
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
