i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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