i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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