dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
