Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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