Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
