I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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