he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
