Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize