when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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