She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
