If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
