shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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