i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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