1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
