ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
