He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
