I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
