there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
