Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
