Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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