I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I intend to get homeless drunk
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So many bounce houses so little time
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
