Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
