No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
