Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize