Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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