So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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