I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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