Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
