I CAN MOONWALK!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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