Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
