why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
