No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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