rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
