"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize