I am spending my child support on dildos
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
