ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
