Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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