remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
