so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
