i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
