That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
